An Unorthodox Matrix Reloaded Review

While watching this movie at the theater, I beheld the most beautiful sight. Nothing has been so wonderful, so beautiful to me in a long, long time. The music was brilliant, the visuals took my breath away, and the concept as a whole brought tears of joy to my eyes.

Unfortunately, the trailer for Freddy vs Jason had to end eventually, and my two hour vacation in hell began.

Neo, his favorite warm hole, his “one of my best friends is black” friend, and a bunch of other l33t h4xx0rs kept turning into Quake 2 models so they could pull off Jackie Chan moves. Generic remix sounding music kept deafening everyone every time someone kicked. In between, people talked a lot about things they could have wrapped up in ten percent of the time. For thrills, they added a little plot at the end.

Plot - 4. It did at least tie a watchable movie into what I hope will be a watchable sequel.
Script - 2. Everyone said the same god damn thing in a different way, when they weren't trying to kick each other.
Carnage - 5. It's no fair if you fake it.
Effects - 4. Some of them looked impressive; all of them looked fake.
Assumed Intelligence - 3. They just kept repeating the same thing for two hours.
MockProof - 2. The only movie I've ever heckled in a theater was the first Matrix. In retrospect, I'm glad my girlfriend heckled this one. By that point, I was too numb from watching such a pandering movie.
Music - 1. I bought three cds of remixes from Invisible Records a few weeks back. Random bands remixing other bands stuff. Very generic sounding, and boring. But less generic and boring than the stuff in this movie.
Nudity - 2. Nipples? Bare butt? These normally get a higher rating, but all of these were seen in a giant rave scene.
Entertainment - 2. Like the music, the movie was kind of a generic “remix” - CG used in place of real stunt men or car crashes or even plot.
Total score - 2.68 / 10.

Recommended for : stoners, people who think Orbital or Moby invented techno/electronic music, and the booksmart style intellectual who got through high school by memorizing books; his knowledge of often obscure religious myths will come in handy.

Freddy vs Jason Trailer
Plot - 5. It's a trailer. Script - 9. Didn't give too much away. Carnage - 8. Lots of fire. FX - 10. Very cool. Assumed IQ - 7. it's a trailer. MockProof - 10. Was too busy crying happily to poke fun. Music - 9. Sometimes the standards are the way to go. Nudity - 0. It's not a Troma trailer. Entertainment - 10. I was enraptured. Total - 8.95/10.